Spoiler Warning: The following article contains major spoilers for the Alien franchise. If you’re not caught up, please exercise extreme caution.
With their oftentimes icy demeanor, milk-like blood, and a history of putting the interests of the Weyland-Yutani Corporation over everything else, the synthetics, or “artificial persons,” in the Alien movies have led to some of the most unforgettable and shocking moments in the all-time great sci-fi film franchise. In the lead-up to and since the release of the box office smash Alien: Romulus, I’ve gone back and watched the movies and come up with a list of all the synthetics ranked.
Ranked? Ranked how? Well, instead of going off descriptors like likability or resourcefulness, which would have ended with some wild orders, I’ve decided to go with my gut instinct and rank them by how much I would trust them on a mission. I wouldn’t start up those hypersleep chambers just yet with this jolly bunch around…
7. David (Prometheus, Alien: Covenant)
If I were to go on a journey into deep space, the last person (synthetic or human) I would want coming along is David (Michael Fassbender) from Prometheus and Alien: Covenant. While other androids in the franchise seem to just be following protocol ordered by Weyland-Yutani, this cold-hearted “artificial person” seems to have a mind of his own.
The things this synthetic does in the name of science throughout Ridley Scott’s prequels is diabolical, and there’s no way I’m going to trust a drink (or anything else) around him. I would straight up be like Ellen Ripley in Aliens when she learns that Bishop is an android. But it’s not just the experiments, it’s the pleasure David seems to take in carrying out his plans that makes him so untrustworthy.
6. Rook (Alien: Romulus)
One of my favorite characters in Alien: Romulus was Rook, a synthetic using the same model as the late Ian Holm’s Ash from Alien, a feat director Fede Alvarez pulled off thanks to The Lord of the Rings. That being said, he’s someone I wouldn’t trust with a ten-foot cattle prod, even if my life depended on it.
The way he toys with Andy (David Jonsson) and attempts to get him to turn against the humans on the decaying space station is particularly vile, as are his motivations, revealed in the Alien: Romulus ending. It feels a step beyond following company orders and almost comes off as personal at times, which is even more frightening.
5. Ash (Alien)
To some, Ash, the O.G. synthetic in the Alien franchise, is the least trustworthy android to ever set foot aboard a spaceship. That may be true, but his actions rarely feel personal or vengeful, even when he was trying to kill Ellen Ripley aboard the Nostromo. His cold demeanor, methodical personality, and laser-sharp precision make the science officer come off as a calculated and impersonal force.
Despite his negative qualities and that whole glitching out moment near the end of Alien, Ash gets points for at least putting on an act throughout the first half of the movie, even going as far as to act like he’s eating food in the breakfast scene after everyone awakens from hypersleep
4. Annalee Call (Alien Resurrection)
Showing up in the tail end of the Alien movie timeline, Annalee Call (Winona Ryder) is a synthetic, or artificial person, who has a rather complicated story throughout Alien Resurrection. While other androids in the franchise have gone to great lengths to help the Xenomorphs in a variety of ways, Call does everything in her power to prevent their spread, even if it means trying to kill Ripley 8 or setting her ship on a collision course with Earth.
I would trust her more than any of the names listed above, but she’s still not on the same level as the likes of Bishop, Andy, or Walter. That said, she does get extra points for being the most “human” of the synthetics, as it’s hard to tell she’s an android until she survives a gunshot wound that would have killed most.
3. Andy (Alien Romulus)
The co-lead of Alien: Romulus, Andy, is one of the more complicated synthetics in the franchise, but that doesn’t make him untrustworthy. I mean, even after the chip Rain (Cailee Spaeny) inserted in Andy to bypass security changed his protocol and forced him to do what’s best for business, he still felt conflicted by his actions and tried to find some middle ground.
Yeah, he tried to kill Navarro (Aileen Wu) after the whole facehugger incident, but he was trying to prevent the Xenomorph from spreading. However, it’s the opposite of Ash and David’s plan to pretty much preserve the aliens for nefarious purposes.
I must say that Andy is, without a doubt, the most sympathetic character in the movie and perhaps the entire franchise. This is especially true before and after Rook’s chip is removed and Andy essentially becomes a damaged robot with a massive collection of bad jokes and an even bigger heart.
2. Walter (Alien: Covenant)
Though there are reasons to believe Andy would be the most trustworthy and capable synthetic to partner up with on a space voyage, Walter (Michael Fassbender) from Alien: Covenant edges him out for one reason: he never works against the best interest of his human colleagues. Throughout the Ridley Scott sci-fi thriller, Walter never gives off the impression that he’s got some secret mission in mind nor does he act as if he wants to harm anyone. Well, besides David, one of the best movie villains of 2017.
Essentially, Walter feels like a more realized, emotional, and pure artificial human, one capable of great things without the drawbacks of other models. This is odd considering his role in the Alien: Covenant ending plays out many years before many of the other androids come into existence.
1. Bishop (Aliens)
Before you even clicked on this article, I bet you knew Bishop (Lance Henriksen) was going to come in first place. Many have come since this beloved sci-fi character was introduced in James Cameron’s Aliens, but none have come close to being as trustworthy or resourceful as HS17B48XG5-D5, the science officer of the Sulaco. And why is he trustworthy? Well, look no further than his story with Ellen Ripley.
Throughout the 1986 sequel, which is hands down one of the best action movies of all time, Bishop proves to Ripley that Ash’s actions aboard the Nostromo were an anomaly and couldn’t happen again. (Are you sure about that?) While that may not necessarily be true in the Alien universe, Bishop doesn’t have an ounce of malice flowing through that milky blood of his. In fact, he sacrifices himself to save Ripley and Newt, and that counts!
When push comes to shove, there is no synthetic I’d want in my corner more than Bishop, though Andy and Walter wouldn’t be that bad either. While we don’t know if we’ll see any of these characters again, one or more of the upcoming sci-fi movies could introduce some equally great androids in the near future.