Universal’s 1999 reboot of The Mummy and its 2001 sequel The Mummy Returns are full of high adventure, sweeping romance, and absurdly quotable dialogue. And if you’ve ever wanted a guide to the best lines that still crush from one of the best horror movies, look no further.
“Hey Beni! Looks like you’re on the wrong side of the ri-ver!”
If there was going to be one line that we single out from one of the best ‘90s movies of all time, it has to be this one. Every time Rick O’Connell (Brendan Fraser) calls out his frenemy Beni (Kevin J. O’Connor) for being in the wrong place at the right time, it’s one of the star attractions.
“YOU!”
The Mummy Returns moves pretty fast as a follow-up to its meteoric successor. With Imhotep (Arnold Vosloo) returning to the field of play in an accelerated fashion, he throws out this one-liner calling out Rick and company as the thorns in the side of his dastardly plans.
“Look, I… I may not be an explorer or an adventurer, or a treasure-seeker or a gunfighter, Mr. O’Connell, but I am proud of what I am. … I… am a librarian.”
Evelyn Carnahan (Rachel Weisz) knows how to keep her wits about her, even a couple of drinks into the night. Her pride in being a purveyor of knowledge is infectious; as is Weisz’s performance. To be able to look this cool during The Mummy’s infamously hot filming temperatures, is certainly a feat.
“My girl, when Rameses destroyed Syria, that was an accident. You are a catastrophe!”
As the Cairo Museum of Antiquities’ curator, Dr. Terence Bey (Erick Avari) knows a thing or two about patience when getting to the bottom of ancient riddles, puzzles, and history. But even that is tested in moments such as when Evelyn accidentally trashes the museum’s library, in one massive domino effect. It’s an insult on par with director Stephen Sommers’ feelings on 2017’s The Mummy; only this time we’re supposed to laugh.
“If I were to say to you, “I am a stranger traveling from the East, seeking that which is lost…”
Introducing a new wrinkle to The Mummy Returns’ contribution to the canon, Ardeth Bay (Oded Fehr) throws out this challenge phrase to Rick after seeing his very special tattoo. Acting as a source of wisdom and heroic knowledge yet again, the Medjay warrior gave Mummy fans a phrase to throw at their friends at the right time.
“Would you like to know what heaven looks like?”
One of the purest romances in the history of cinema has to be that of Evelyn and Rick O’Connell. The Mummy Returns only reinforces that point, with another moment of love between the couple helping to close out the sequel’s story. Which, of course, makes onlookers like Jonathan Carnahan and Alex O’Connell a bit grossed out.
“For the record, if I don’t make it out of here, don’t put me down for mummification.”
To survive in The Mummy universe, you’re going to need a wit as quick as your ability with a weapon. Rick O’Connell has both, and after Evelyn informs him of the gruesome way a body is mummified, he keenly opts out as only a moment in one of the best Brendan Fraser movies could.
“Lady, I don’t behave for my parents. What makes you think I’m going to do it for you?”
If anyone needed proof that The Mummy Returns’ Alex O’Connell is the child of Rick and Evelyn, his moment of mouthiness with Meela Nais (Patricia Velásquez), the physical reincarnation of Anck-su-namun, says it all. Of course, his ability to put on dangerous bracelets without a second thought is also a pretty good sign.
“Know this: this creature is the bringer of death. He will never eat, he will never sleep, and he will never stop.”
The Mummy isn’t just comedic one-liners or intense romance. Sometimes, things get deadly serious; and Ardeth Bay has no problems reminding the crowd of the stakes. Imhotep is a formidable foe, and lines like this are where his threat is truly commemorated. This could also be adopted as the motto for those fans with plenty of reasons to make a new Mummy sequel.
“Honey, whatcha doing? These guys don’t use doors.”
As The Mummy Returns moves into one of its earliest action set-pieces, Evelyn tries to stop Imhotep’s mummy guards from pursuing their group by blockading a door. And for a change, Rick is the one that drops the knowledge, as his lovely wife springs into action.
“This was my first bus ride.”
Putting a perfect button on The Mummy Returns’ spectacular double-decker bus chase, heroic Medjay Ardeth Bay takes a second to let his compatriots know that he’s achieved a personal milestone. His pride is actually quite adorable.
“You better think of something fast, because if he turns me into a mummy, you’re the first one I’m coming after.”
Evelyn’s gambit to save herself, and her companions, by temporarily surrendering to Imhotep is a bold move on its own. But giving this ultimatum to Rick, in order to ensure her survival, shows the witty guts our favorite librarian has at her disposal.
“You, lighten up. You, big trouble. You, get in the car.”
As Ardeth Bay, his son Alex (Freddie Boath), and his brother-in-law all present little challenges to his patience in short order, Rick O’Connell handles all three with this series of commands. It only allows The Mummy Returns to glide like a charm, never wasting a moment, but always packing a punch.
“No! You must not read from the book!”
Dr. Allen Chamberlain (Jonathan Hyde) may be a supporting character on The Mummy’s opposing treasure-hunting faction, but even he gets one of the series’ most stand-out moments. Shouting that phrase of foreboding once awoken from his sleep, the movie’s energy automatically shifts into a countdown to Imhotep’s arrival.
“Yeah, right, and no harm ever came from reading a book. You remember how that one went?”
Slyly referencing the events of The Mummy during the early moments of The Mummy Returns, Rick reminds his dear wife that some of the most innocuous things can unleash ancient evil. And, as always, he does it with an attitude that’s firm, but supportive and ready to defend those he holds dear.
“Death is only the beginning.”
Not only does Evelyn get to drop one of The Mummy’s taglines in conversation, but it’s also a key line for the villainous Imhotep. Its context in the movie, and the delivery in both instances, kind of make it one of the best cases where the marketing department had its work cut out for them.
“That I learned from your father.”
Fighting off attackers in the early moments of The Mummy Returns, Evelyn is asked by her son how she learned to fight so well. And as anyone who saw The Mummy could have told him, good old Rick O’Connell helped her learn some of the moves they don’t teach you in training to become a librarian.
“Can you see…Can you believe…Can we just…”
Jonathan Carnahan (John Hannah) is a coward, but he’s also a good-natured, humorous, and gre-ee-dy coward. Even in the midst of escaping the crumbling ruins of Hamunaptra, his eye is caught by untold riches. What’s very much told is that he should just keep moving, and leave the shiny stuff where it is.
“Oh no, not these guys again!”
With lines that acknowledge a sequel’s existence, there’s a fine line between self-reverential and very well-played entertainment. When Rick sees Imhotep’s soldier mummies again in The Mummy Returns, his reaction falls into the more entertaining bucket, as we could all probably identify with the sentiment expressed.
“Here I come, laddies!”
A moment of silence for the late Captain Winston Havelock (Bernard Fox). Out of all of the heroes in The Mummy, all Winston wants is a great conflict that’ll allow him to die a hero’s death. And he gets it when helping Rick and Jonathan in their quest, while also getting in this triumphant battle cry.
“If you see anyone come running out screaming, it’s just me.”
Jonathan Carnahan doesn’t become a bigger hero or coward in The Mummy Returns. Rather, he just learns some new ways to show what he will and won’t do in the name of defeating Imhotep and his associates. Trust us, he’s not as useless as you’d think; just really funny.
“It’s a sarcophagus. Buried at the base of Anubis. He must have been someone of great importance. Or he did something very naughty.”
You can’t just be knowledgeable in The Mummy universe, as personality goes a long way on such an adventure. Evelyn Carnahan’s delivery of this exposition involving Imhotep’s burial reminds the audience of the epic opening of our tale while moving things along with the wit we love these movies for possessing.
“Folks, knowing my brother-in-law, he probably deserves whatever you’re about to do to him, but this is my house, I have certain rules about snakes and dismemberment.”
The Mummy Returns doesn’t forget what made director Stephen Sommers’ Universal monsters reboot a hit in the first place. And while Rick O’Connell probably took a second to imagine what life would have been like without his brother-in-law Jonathan there to gum up the works, he surely wasn’t going to let him die at the hands of the enemy. And that’s why he’s a true hero.
“Take that Bembridge Scholars!”
Throughout The Mummy, Evelyn Carnahan acknowledges a long-held grudge between herself and the Bembridge Scholars. So it’s only natural that she takes a moment of vindication while doing something they’d never dreamed of…fighting an actual mummy.
“O’Connell, if you give me that gold stick there, then you can shave my head, wax my legs, and use me for a surfboard.”
Adding some more comic relief to The Mummy Returns is Izzy Buttons (Shaun Parkes), a former associate of Rick’s who contributes two important skills to helping rescue Alex from captivity. Not only is Izzy a cracker jack dirigible pilot, but he also has an eagerness to serve…so long as there’s a reward.
“I loved the whole sand wall trick. It was beautiful.”
It has to be asked if Kevin J. O’Connor ad-libbed this line, or if it was just a really good line read in The Mummy; because this moment feels so natural. Always loyal to whomever is paying/keeping him alive, Beni never wavers in his fickle nature.
“A broken bottle. Glenlivet, twelve years old! Well, he may have been a stinky fellow, but he had good taste.”
Jonathan Carnahan has never met a drink or treasure that he didn’t like. Even after the untimely loss of Warden Gad Hassan (Omid Djalili), the ever-opportunistic Jonathan doesn’t let a bit of breakage ruin some fine Scotch.
“Ah. I know. You’re wondering… what is a place like me doing in a girl like this?”
After imbibing in some liquor found by her brother Jonathan, Evelyn finds herself in high spirits. So much so that she adorably scrambles her words on this unique spin on an old saying.
“Apparently, he had a very good time.”
The warden Gad Hassan (Omid Djalili) isn’t exactly someone the audience of The Mummy is supposed to identify with. But he still gets some pretty memorable laughs, especially when filling us in on the vague circumstances that led to Rick’s initial incarceration.
“My friend, there is a fine line between coincidence and fate.”
Ardeth Bay once again shows off his wisdom in The Mummy Returns, when trying to convince Rick that he’s a descendant of the Medajy order he also serves. This moment also just happens to be a very good piece of everyday knowledge, blurring the line between dialogue that moves along a story, but also sticks with us in life.
“I can’t figure out this last symbol! … It’s a bird, a stork!”
One of the best callbacks shared between The Mummy and The Mummy Returns is the deciphering of the symbol of Amenophus in the Book of the Dead. And once again, in the heat of battle, when everything is deadly serious, Jonathan Carnahan doesn’t let the moment get in the way of a little bit of proud learning.
“Be quiet Alex! If there’s going to be any hysterics, they’ll come from me!”
Is it a Mummy movie if Jonathan isn’t in hysterics? Case in point: this The Mummy Returns quote was something he actually told his young nephew Alex. Say what you will about his bravery, but at least Mr. Carnahan is honest about his strengths and weaknesses.
“Oh, your strength gives me strength.”
Beni Gabor isn’t a brave man, nor is he a strong man. But he certainly knows how to toady up to someone like Rick O’Connell with the greatest of ease; even if he ends up abandoning his friend just moments after making this proclamation.